No power, dubious plumbing & cheap beer.

I suppose it’s something of a cliché that travelling is a wonderful and life changing experience. ’Oh it’s amazing’, you hear people say ‘you’ll have an incredible time, I loved every minute of it’. A suspiciously high proportion of these people though appear to have smoked a little too much weed or read one too many guardian articles (or both…probably both). Truth however is that, unless these people have some perverse love of spending hours and hours in sweaty, cramped vehicles bouncing around on roads and railways of variable quality, what they really mean is that the bits in between travelling are amazing. Travelling itself is a tedious necessity that bookends the ‘incredible time’ with a lengthy intermission of boredom punctuated by occasional acute frustration.

Our last day in Chiang Mai had sadly proven to be a bit of a right-off owing to my finally succumbing to the consequences of my adventurous palate. We had intended to visit Doi Suthep, supposedly a very pleasant temple complex on the hills over-looking the city, but alas it wasn’t to be. Ah well. If there’s one thing South East Asia isn’t short of, it’s very pleasant temple complexes.

The first leg of our journey saw us off bright and early to make our way south back to Phitsonaluk, where we had booked ourselves in for a night in an unremarkable, but cheap, guest-house near the river. A meal and a sleep later we were on our way again, this time catching a bus through the mountains to Khon Kaen. We could have done Chain Mai to Khon Kaen in one go, but it was a 13hr bus ride. See any of our South America blogs to see why that wasn’t going to happen.

Khon Kaen is Thailand’s 4^th largest city and lies about 3 hrs drive south of the Lao border. It’s railway connection to Bangkok and road connections to the centre and west of the country makes it something of a hub for the east of Thailand and for traffic heading north to Vientiane or east inn the direction of Vietnam. It also has a surprisingly large expat community as well as some tourist attractions in its own right, so we decided to stay for a few days and use up the rest of our Visas.

We booked ourselves in to the ‘Khon Kaen Residence’ a relatively new hotel a little way out from the centre right next to a large, scary looking prison. This proved something of an issue as, like something out of ‘The Great Escape’, the prison’s PA system would pipe-up about 7am every morning admonishing the inmates for…god knows what, being a disappointment to the King maybe? It seems that whoever was operating this PA system was very dedicated to their job of telling other people how naughty they are and how benevolent the state is as this went on all throughout the day until about 8pm (at time of writing were in Laos, so I feel we can push the envelope a little more)

The hotel also turned out to be in something of a tourist blackspot, a fact that wasn’t apparent to us at time of booking. There were no restaurants, shops, other hotels or even tuk-tuks waiting to bother us within a good mile or so in every direction, so we ended up having to call a grab taxi every time we wanted to go anywhere (yay more travelling). Having spent 2 days pretty much constantly on the move our motivation to do anything on the first day in Khon Kaen was very low. We instead made bookings for Vientiane and double checked that we had everything we needed for crossing the border into Laos. In aid of this, I went for a little excursion to a Bureau de Change to swap some of our Baht for USD. Laos tourist visas can be paid for either with 35USD, 1500THB or an unspecified amount of Lao Kip. At time of writing, 1500THB is closer to 50USD so even with the small commission for exchanging Baht, you still get a much better rate paying in dollars.

Remember earlier when I mentioned ‘acute frustration’? Well let’s just say we’ll be re-visiting the subjects of US Dollars and Lao Visas in the near future.

So anyway, the following day (our last full day in Thailand☹) we decided to make up for our rather lackadaisical day the day before and head out to see some sights. Our first stop was Wat Thung Setthi, a much more modern Buddhist Temple completed in 2012. This temple is rather unique amongst those in Thailand, both in terms of its design as well as its use of imagery and iconography to convey its message and meaning. Architecturally, the building is predominantly white, but with a rounded golden stupa highlighted with turquoise decorations. The central stupa is surrounded by two tiers of walkways, the lower of which is quite broad and features mosaics of the Hellenistic zodiac and small statuettes of buddhas, lions and dragons each carefully inlayed with thin rectangular shards of mirrored glass. In each of the 4 corners are smaller stupas separated from the walkway by a triangular pond with steppingstones leading across it. The upper walkway is overhung by the roof of the main stupa and features a large mosaic mounted on the wall explaining that this site is believed to be a gateway between this world, the heavens above and the underworld below.

Whilst Katy made friends with the local dgs, I went to chck out the central stupa, a tall octagonal building with a single, marble floored room inside. The large wooden door leading into the space is engraved with the symbols of the Chinese zodiac and opposite a large obsidian-black Buddha with gold accessories sits atop a marble altar. On the sets of 3 windows to either side of the Buddha are intricate etchings depicting the three poisons of the Buddhist belief system, those being; Greed, Aversion (Anger or Hatred) and Ignorance. The etchings make use of both traditional and modern iconography to illustrate these ideas, with the designs including characters from Star Wars, numerous Disney franchises and even Walter White.

Accessible via a small staircase just outside the main stupa is a large room which sits directly underneath it. In here is a stone pillar surrounded by statues of dragons in the centre and a series of 4 massive murals along the outer walls. Unlike many of the other temples we have visited in Thailand, what is striking about this temple is that it has been built with the knowledge that it is going to attract numerous foreigners and non-Buddhists. As such the descriptions of the artwork and explanations of the iconography are all in Thai, English and Chinese and the iconography is much more explicit and accessible to somebody not already familiar with Buddhist teachings. To do this whilst not cheapening the beliefs or making the site seem like a tourist attraction first and a religious site second is impressive, and as we left we both agreed that this was probably the best of the temples we’d seen in Thailand.

We couldn’t leave Wat Thung Setthi just yet, though, first we had to go to hell! A short walk over the land-bridge from the temple and down past the Monks dorms is a small park set aside to depict Naraka, the Buddhist interpretation of hell. Here there are absurd and larger than life fibreglass and concrete statue of sinners who have accumulated too much bad karma in their lives being tortured in manners most befitting their indiscretions. There are seven sins in Buddhism (sound familiar) and there are seven groups of statues being tortured in various different ways depicting the fate that waits sinners in the afterlife; liars get their tongues pulled out, thieves get their hands smashed with clubs and sexual deviants get…well anyway you can look at the pictures for yourselves.

Following our education on what may or may not be awaiting Katy and I in the next life (no comment) we headed back in to Kohn Kaen and went for a walk around Kaen Nakhon, a large semi-artificial lake (semi as in it’s only there during the rainy season, during the dry season it routinely needs topping up) just south of the city centre which has a number of large model dinosaurs on its banks. As you do.

For our last night in Thailand we thought we’d push the boat out and go somewhere a bit special for dinner, as we had loved the food here so much and as it was the last chance we’d have to have Thai food until we returned in October , we went for Pizza. Over a surprisingly good pizza and a few beers we took stock of out time in Thailand. It’s really easy to see why so many tourists visit this country every year, it’s big without being too big, the people are friendly without being overly friendly, it’s cheap, it’s easy to get around (for the most part) and the culture is incredibly alive. In the west, there is a real tension between the past and the future, yet here Thailand seems much more at ease with the strains of the globalising world, incorporating modernity into the existing culture without losing its sense of uniqueness. No doubt if you lived here for any length of time you’d begin to see the issues and divisions in the society and the things that don’t work would become more apparent and grate on you more, but for the month we have been here Thailand has been wonderful and we’ve wound up both loving the country more than we expected to.

Onwards to Laos then.

So, despite our previous experiences with the trains we wound up using them one last time to get to Nong Khai, the Thai town which sits on the border. Getting to Nong Khai from Khon Kaen by bus proved surprisingly complicated and as the railway station in Nong Khai is right by the border control point it was the most logical choice. Fortunately this worked out fine as the train was running a mere 15 minutes late and the journey up to Nong Khai was only about two and a half hours, over an hour quicker than the bus would have been.

Khon Kaen station was recently upgraded and has only been open a few weeks now. The new station is absolutely gigantic, seemingly way bigger than the city warrants and build over two levels with the freigh line on the ground level and the passanger platforms 20 meters up in the air. Later research would reveal that Khon Kaen sits on the planned route for the Chinese led Trans-South-East Asian Railway network which plans to connect China with Singapore via Bangkok, Vientiane and Hanoi (yes that’s right, I’m the sort of sad person that would notice when a train station is too large for the town it serves and look it up several hours later). Chinese money in Southeast Asia is very noticeable, as it was in South America, and the bulk of it is going into property and infrastructure. Changing winds…

Once we got to Nong Khai it was only a short walk up to the border check point for the Thai-Lao friendship bridge, which would take us across the Mekong River in to Laos. After getting our exit stamp we waited (technically in no country) for the bus to take us across the bridge. You can walk it but it’s almost 2km to the other side and it was now about 12:30, otherwise known as sweaty o’clock. On the other side the road bears round to the left where a pair of criss-crossing chicanes swaps the traffic (with the help of lights I might add) on to the right (wrong) side of the road. Shortly past this point is Lao immigration where we jumped off the bus and were immediately surrounded by taxi and tuk-tuk drivers offering us rides to Vientiane. We hadn’t even got our visas yet but that didn’t seem to matter to them. Part of me wanted to take them up and see if they would actually wait around only for us to get refused entry, but I didn’t want to tempt fate.

We went up to the window for Visa papers and were each handed (or rather, were slung) a pile of forms to fill in. By now sweaty o’clock was in full swing and in the blazing heat we both attempted to concentrate on filling in vague, confusing forms without dripping on them, hoping that we had correctly interpreted the questions it was asking us about residence (In Laos? In Thailand? In England? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?!?). Forms filled in we went back to the window and handed them over along with our passports, our passport photos that we had diligently brought with and the 70USD. Within seconds the friendly, helpful and smiling immigration officer was throwing the dollars back at us for being too old or beaten up or for having the tiniest of imperfections. Of the around 130USD we had on only about 10 met his exacting standard so we ended up absolutely stuck. I tried to ask how else we could pay, but he decided he’d had enough of us he told us to go to the next window over and shut his in our faces, our passports and the sole, acceptable 10USD note still in his possession

The officer in the next window was a tad more helpful and said we could combine dollars and Baht if we wanted to, but after my lengthy escapade to an exchange in Kohn Kaen for the SOLE REASON of getting dollars to pay for the visa, we now no longer had enough Baht left. The officer then told us to get the money changed for ‘better’ dollars at the exchange around the corner, however they also wouldn’t accept notes that weren’t hermetically sealed and plated in gold. By this point I was getting very worked up but Katy helpfully pointed out that this was all going to make an excellent blog post, so it wasn’t all bad. Eventually we had to make use of the over-priced ATM “recommended” to us by the customs officer who most definitely was not getting any kick-backs from the ATM provider to withdrawer some Kip to make the payment.

About half an hour after starting the process and (once I’d worked it all out later taking into account withdrawal commissions and exchange rate differences) paying about £15 more than we had anticipated, we finally got our visas. We agreed a price for a taxi from a nice man who had been hanging around whilst we trying to get everything sorted, helpfully smiling and pointing us in the direction of the different windows, the exchange booth and the ATM machine. As we set off the heavens opened and so our first experience of Lao was trying to make out the road in front of us in monsoon conditions.

We made it to Vientiane about 20 minutes later and got dropped off around the corner from our hotel, arriving to find that the heavy rain had taken out the power and preventing them from taking card payments, instead we had to use the rest of our recently withdrawn Lao Kip. Katy withdrew 2,000,000K and we’d spent it all in the space of about 30 minutes. I don’t think we’ve ever spent two million of anything on anything before, so that’s something. For the record, 2 million Kip is about £180, but it’s not quite as impressive when you put it like that.

Thoroughly exhausted we crashed out on the bed and after about 20 minutes or so the power came back on so we could finally get some precious, precious internet. It also came to our attention that the toilet fills constantly, and the drainpipe was disconnected from the sink meaning that the bathroom floor floods every time you run the tap. After a quick plumbing adventure wherein I fixed the sink but made the toilet worse and I pretended I hadn’t touched it, we headed out for a well-deserved beer for the princely sum of 90p. No power, questionable plumbing & cheap beer. Yep, this is the southeast Asia I was expecting.

Chiang Mai

So far, our route planning for South East Asia has been considerably less structured than South America. We sort of have an idea of where we’re going but if somewhere looks interesting along the way then we’ll stop there for a bit (see Ayutthaya and Sukhothai). Having had quite our fill of the trains (we were starting to understand why the locals avoid them), we decided to take the ~6-hour journey north to Chiang Mai on the bus. We took our seats at the back and as the tour company had helpfully decided to remove the seats in front of us for some unknown reason, we were rewarded with ample leg room, something severely lacking in other parts of Thailand. As we neared the city, we twisted through the mountains and the jungle stretched for miles like a lush green carpet, peppered with “Attention: Elephants” signs. All in all, it wasn’t too horrendous and as Dave has previously mentioned, the Thai people seem to be more than capable of driving coaches around corners without causing the passengers onboard to fear for their lives. As with all the others we’ve encountered so far, Chiang Mai bus station is a practical but tired building, offering just enough free WiFi for us to be able to order a Grab (like Uber) and head to our hotel in the Old Town.

The Old City is a 1.5km square and was once surrounded by moats and walls to protect it. Some of the old walls still stand (although refurbished) at various entrance points but the majority were destroyed centuries ago. Still, there’s something about Chiang Mai that makes you never want to leave. Having said that, our first night here we weren’t sure we’d made the right decision, walking out to get some dinner we were confronted by what I’m told the kids call “banging tunes” and people trying to get us to come into their club. Pah! Don’t they know Dave and I are at least 65 on the inside?! It must be hard at this time of year to turn a profit, most of the bars we walked past were dead and in our week here we were rarely joined in restaurants by more than one other occupied table. Once we got past the “phat beats”, we were pleasantly surprised to find a street full of bars and restaurants far more suited to our curmudgeonly ways. Things are a lot more chilled out here, the whole city feels like everyone has just got out of a nice long bubble bath. We quickly tuned into the laid-back feel of the place and spent most of Sunday not really doing much at all. In the evening however we went to our first proper night market. All of Ratchadamnoen Road, running through the centre of the Old City, is closed off to vehicles and is chock-a-block with street stalls, musicians, monks, tourists, locals, food vendors, textiles, souvenirs, anything you could possibly imagine. Squeezing our way through the crowd, we were totally overwhelmed by the sights, sounds and smells, spotting everything from edible bugs to cheesy chips to tuk-tuk models made out of old beer cans. We also quickly discovered that one of the perks of being ‘not from round these parts’ is that even in a tight crowd, you can see over the heads of mostly everyone else, making for a much less claustrophobic and enjoyable experience. After wandering for a while, Dave, as is quickly becoming tradition, found another middle-aged woman to chat up and managed to find some shorts in his size, employing his flirtation skills to acquire a discount, and I found a bag. We spent a princely sum of around £12.50 in total – a real splurge.

Chiang Mai mentality thoroughly absorbed, and given that we’d pretty much been going non-stop since Bangkok, we decided to take a much more relaxed approach to the city, enjoying a late breakfast before heading down to Nong Buak Hard park, Kindles in hand, ready for a long hard day of not doing very much at all. It’s really exhausting all this travelling business you know. We also found that all the local museums are closed on a Monday, so we had to find something to pass the time! Located in the South West corner of the Old City, it’s quite a small park, with palm trees, fountains, fishponds and lots of tiny little black flies that get in your face, hover around your legs and make it difficult to read. I think at last count Dave had killed 82 (don’t tell the Buddhists). Tired of swatting, we headed off out of the park, stopping momentarily to buy some fish food and feed the fish (and also maybe the pigeons), before pausing for a nice cold drink in a café inhabited by various different cats who came and went as they pleased, totally non-plussed by the farangs trying to fuss over them. Once again, we were the only people in said café, which was fine by us, we didn’t come all this way to MEET people for heavens sake.

In general, our time in Chiang Mai was considerably less action packed than our previous excursions into various Thai towns and cities. This boiled down to the fact that most of the things to do are temples and we are desperately attempting to avoid #toomanytemplessyndrome. In light of this, we spent most of the following day trotting around Chiang Mai’s 3 historical museums which are largely overlapping and don’t really have that much cohesion to them – it was just like being back in Cusco! We did learn about ancient Lanna culture though and the museums were good when taken as a whole; besides, aside from the overuse of the word “auspicious”, they had air conditioning, so who are we to complain. They also offered us plenty of opportunities to view our most favourite of cultural displays – textiles! Just when we thought it couldn’t get more exciting than the 9000 displays we saw in South America, we were treated to a rip-roaring adventure into the world of ancient Thai skirts. Our fave.

Having ascertained that we found the ancient ruins/temples much more interesting than the new ones (especially as they seemed less fussed about offensive shoulders in the older ruins), we decided to pop along to Wat Chedi Luang. Built some time between 1385 and 1402, the peak measured 80 metres from its base but was partially destroyed by an earthquake is 1545, leaving it at around half of its original height. It’s still incredibly impressive and once housed the Emerald Buddha, one of Thailand’s most sacred religious relics. We also happened to turn up half way through Inthakin festival so the place was buzzing with monks and people coming to pay respects, it also meant that entrance was free – woohoo! There seems to be a festival or holiday every five minutes here in Thailand and we were beginning to understand perhaps why the French had decided this was a part of the world they wanted to get involved with, just think how many days off they could have! Inthakin is a festival unique to Chiang Mai and is a chance for citizens to offer tributes to the guardians of the city, focusing on the City Pillar, previously used in the construction of the ancient city. As we wandered around the ruins, we were totally enthralled with the celebrations, with various donation points dotted around the Wat, offering visitors a chance to donate to their birth year animal (Dave’s the tiger, I’m the chicken, boo.). Animal statues and buddhas were covered in flowers and we also observed people sending water up to the top of the Wat and pouring it onto the ruins. As we sat in the shade and enjoyed the cool breeze, a group of school children walked past and a few of them eagerly said “hello!” and waved at us, before one plucky lad decided he was going to get a high five from the two very white chunky people sitting under the tree. Before we knew it, he’d started a stampede, and Dave and I were inundated with pre-pubescent children eager to slap their hand against ours and offer us a hello. It was absolutely charming. If there’s one thing we’ve noticed here in Thailand it’s that people are a. incredibly eager to practice their English with you and b. always happy to help, even if it means they have to resort to charades.

In the afternoon, I had somehow managed to convince Dave that a trip to the cinema to see Godzilla: King of the Monsters, was in order (I still owe him for Mary Poppins Returns), so we headed off to the Central Festival Mall, located a few miles outside of the Old City. The Central Festival Mall is a bit like Lakeside, if Lakeside was 3 times as pleasant, had 1/3 of the people, and had an ice-skating rink in it. It also had a Marks & Spencer so we spent a few minutes mooching around their food hall, delighted to find Percy Pigs, Custard Creams and red onion chutney, before deciding that perhaps we could settle in Thailand after all. Thailand has very strict Lèse-majesté rules, which basically means that any negative comments regarding the monarchy can get you locked up. Tourists have often fallen foul of this law, even for blogs written outside of Thailand, therefore I shall simply say that having to stand for the national anthem and a short video praising the King before the film started was certainly an experience I will never forget and truly a great honour. Should anyone wish to find out just how stellar a chap the new King is, they need only Google him. Moving swiftly on then…

bty

Apart from a trip to a slightly more disappointing night market where we acquired two fantastic beer coolers which seem to be all the rage here, the rest of our time in Chiang Mai passed relatively uneventfully. We did find some rather lovely kittens next to our hotel and as such I now carry a small supply of cat treats wherever I go but it was nice to have a bit of down time. The city’s relaxing vibe seems to seep from every crevice, and I think we probably could have spent several weeks drinking and reading in bars without noticing how quickly the time was passing. But, we didn’t spend all this time saving to drink ourselves into a stupor (well, at least not every night) so onwards to Laos we headed…

What? What wat!

Our trip to Sukhothai was somewhat more straightforward than the one to Ayutthaya, consisting of a train to Phitsonaluk and then an hour’s bus ride to Sukhothai. Owing to the timetable, the only train that both left Ayutthaya and arrived at Phitsonaluk at remotely reasonable times of day was an express train (that joke is funny in both Thai and English) costing us the relatively extortionate price of £22. After arriving in Phitsonaluk only 40 minutes later than scheduled, we got a tuk-tuk to the bus station and bought our tickets for the bus to Sukhothai, which turned out to be a minivan that doubled as a rapid postal service.

No matter though, we got to Sukhothai in good time and after another quick tuk-tuk ride we made it to our home for the next 2 nights, TR guesthouse. Sukhothai is split in to 2 towns, the new town where we were staying is on the banks of the Yom river, whist the old town is about 10 miles to the west. As we had been very good and as we had been in Thailand for over two weeks without having one, we went for a pizza that evening at a very reputable pizza place just around the corner. Like so much of Thailand outside of Bangkok, we had the restaurant to ourselves. It’s amazing just how ‘off’ the off-season is here, unlike in South America where things were, say, about a third to a half as busy as they would have been in the high season, in Thailand it’s absolutely dead. A couple of times now we’ve been the only people staying in guesthouses or walked past rows of restaurants all with no customers. Makes you feel for the business owners here. No doubt they rake it in during the high season but balancing such an erratic cash-flow must be difficult.

After a good night’s sleep in a HUUUGE bed we set off early to get the bus to the ruins in the old town. The bus was essentially a giant tuk-tuk made from a converted truck, ‘bus’ is seemingly a very loose term in Thai. After about 20 minutes we arrived in the old town and were dropped off by the ticket office for the historical park. Unlike in Ayutthaya where the temples and the town were mixed up with each site having its own entry gates and fees, Sukhothai old town is dominated by the central Historical Park with a single-entry fee. Again, owing to the off season the park was nearly deserted and the lack of vehicular traffic made for a much quieter and thoroughly enjoyable few hours as we explored the ruins hardly seeing a single other person.

Sukhothai, which means ‘dawn of happiness’, was the capital of the first independent Thai Kingdom, creatively named the Sukhothai Kingdom. The city was founded as the capital in the early 1200’s after the Khmer empire which had used the town as a small outpost, went into decline and withdrew from the region. Sukhothai served as the capital for around 140 years until it was superseded by Ayutthaya. The runs today have been partially restored and are a UNESCO world heritage site.

We started by walking around Wat Maha That which, like its namesake in Ayutthaya, is the largest and most important of the temple ruins. Owing partly to its considerably less violent demise as well as the more extensive restoration work, the ruins in Sukhothai are generally in better condition than those in Ayutthaya, most notably in the form of the myriad sizeable Buddha statues around the site which still have their heads.

We worked our way steadily down to Wat Si Sawai, a 3-pronged Khmer style temple in the south of the complex and then north through numerous smaller ruins up to a Wat Sa-si, a huge stupa in the middle of a large artificial lake. After that we were suitably templed out, so we made our way out of the park and across the street for a late lunch, arriving just in time to avoid an epic downpour. We made our way back to the new town on the ‘bus’ and relaxed in the hostel for a few hours before heading out for Dinner at the wonderfully named ‘Poo Restaurant’. ‘Poo’ is the Thai word for Crab, tough normally it is written ‘Phu’. There’s a lot of English usage in Thailand where it is genuinely hard to decide if the author was accidently amusing or deliberately so. We decided in this instance it was probably deliberate.

And that’s about it. Hmm. That was short.

We’re off to Chiang Mai next, but Katy can tell you about that.

Making the most of it

Bangkok’s Thonburi station is certainly no Paddington, in fact it’s barely a Dorchester South. A sheltered platform runs around 50m alongside the tracks, with some benches dotted about the place which were definitely not made for our Western sized bottoms. There’s a yellow line and signs warning you not to go past it but the rather cavalier attitude to health and safety is both refreshing and unnerving. There seems to be an ongoing mentality across Thailand that if you’re stupid enough to do something that puts your life at risk, then you probably deserve to have something bad happen to you. The Darwin award would do exceptionally well here. In fact, the train before ours was situated on the next set of tracks over, with the only way to access it being to cross said yellow line and walking over the tracks themselves – brilliant. The trains themselves are wonderfully old fashioned, with the engine carriage being added separately just before departure. They’re a step up from steam trains, but if Poirot had suddenly sauntered across the platform, he certainly wouldn’t have been too out of place. Our destination on this wonderful anachronism was Kanchanaburi, a town around 90 miles West of Bangkok and home to THE Bridge over the river Kwai. We took our seats on two blue padded benches (again definitely not designed for Western bottoms, nor Western height) under the cooling breeze of several fans. There is only one class for the Kanchanaburi train and rather than air conditioning, it has huge open windows which can be pulled closed in the event of rain. Our train set off around 2pm and before we knew it we were rushing through luscious green fields, banana farms and small towns. At times it was rather reminiscent of home with the flat green landscapes in the rain, though the train ran on time and we both got a seat so perhaps upon further consideration it wasn’t like trains at home at all. Around 2 hours into our journey, the heavens opened and along with our fellow passengers, we hurried to close the windows. In our carriage were two other Western couples but the majority were Thai, wholly uninterested in the landscape and often bemused by two huge Westerners pointing out things that must be everyday features for them. I like trains. Arriving in a grey haze to Kanchanaburi around 5:30pm, we trudged through the drizzle to our new temporary home: The Nine Guesthouse, a medium sized hotel with various rooms surrounding a garden area in the centre, also home to a lovely white Cockatoo and several very skinny and very skittish cats. We were pleasantly surprised to find an enormous bed with a comfortable mattress, sufficient pillows AND a TV with Fox Sports, meaning we were all set to watch the Formula 1 over the course of the weekend, without having to attend one of the English/Aussie bars around town. Not that there isn’t a time and a place for getting rekt and watching TV surrounded by other Farangs, but we’re not here to eat a Sunday Roast or “get drunk for 10 Baht” (about 25p), as one bar proudly advertised; at least not yet anyway.

Our first stop the following morning was the Kanchanaburi Death Railway Museum and Research Centre to learn a bit more about the history of the place, and to set us up for a trip down to The Bridge a bit later on. The Museum, set over two floors, sits alongside the POW Cemetery and offers visitors a comprehensive, and sometimes rather harrowing, explanation of the Death Railway and the POWs held there during World War Two. Founded by an Aussie chap named Rod Beattie, who curated the majority of the museum’s pieces, exploring much of the abandoned railway himself as well as contacting the families of the POWs. It’s really incredible how much effort has been put into this place, with many original uniforms and medals on display, as well as various items recovered from the POW camps themselves. The majority of the POWs who died during the construction of the Death Railway were British, and throughout the museum people have placed poppies and crosses, commemorating the sacrifice of family members. It’s incredibly moving. As we reached the end of the exhibits, the heavens opened once more and so we sat on the second floor and enjoyed our complementary cup of tea and let everything sink in.

Soon after the rain stopped, we stepped back out into the heat. We both commented on how awful it must have been to have been forced to do heavy labour in this weather. We can barely walk down the street without breaking into a sweat. Having seen on the map that it was about 3k to The Bridge, we decided to make use of the hotel’s offering of free bikes and cycle instead of walk. We soon discovered why the bikes were free however, as mine had a decidedly flat tyre and neither of them had any gears, making what was supposed to be a breezy trundle down to The Bridge, a rather more arduous affair – nevermind. We arrived to a throng of tourists taking pictures and a small amount of street vendors and market stalls, set up to cater for the aforementioned tourists. Often when you read the reviews of historically significant places, people seem to be outraged at the fact that the locals are attempting to capitalise on the presence of large numbers of tourists, and perhaps unsurprisingly, these also tend to be the types of people that complain when there isn’t a coffee shop at The Killing Fields – you can’t please everyone I suppose. So off we went, to cross The Bridge over The River Kwai. Interestingly enough, it’s not actually the River Kwai, its proper name is the Khwae Yai but in true Western fashion, we’ve managed to bastardise the pronunciation. Maybe if we said it louder and slower… As you set out further onto the bridge, the tourists thin out and we were joined by a lovely dog, who happily trotted alongside us for a while. Reaching the other end of the bridge, the train tracks descend into thick jungle and there is a sign informing you that the bridge is the River Kwai bridge – thanks sign! There is also now a bar where the old POW camp used to be, down by the river. We were trying to decide whether it was offensive or incredibly fitting that you can sit and have a beer where so many young men lost their lives. We decided in the end that it was probably a suitable tribute as we could imagine nothing better on a hot sweaty day than a nice cold beer, especially as so many Aussies were there as well. All in all they’ve done a good job of making the place as accessible to tourists as possible, without selling out the soul and significance of The Bridge and Kanchanaburi as a town. The bridge itself is the original, apart from a small middle section which was replaced after it was bombed during the war, you can even see some of the original bomb damage on the concrete pillars. As we headed back towards town, there was a small amount of commotion behind us. We turned to see a train heading over the bridge – eek! Luckily along the bridge are small metal outcrops, designed precisely for this purpose, and once we realised we weren’t about to be flattened, it was really quite exciting to see a train going over THE Bridge over the River Kwai. Trains are one of those things which, alongside dinosaurs, are cool all the time, forever, no matter how old you are or where you are in the world.

Upon returning to the hotel, we decided that the following day we needed to do something a bit lighter and decided upon a visit to Erawan National Park, about 65km up the road from Kanchanburi. As well as the opportunity to spot some more wildlife, Erawan park is home to 7 tiers of waterfalls, offering visitors a chance to swim in its crystal-clear waters, and also enjoy a free foot nibbling from the resident fish. Rather than restrict ourselves to the sweltering confines of public transport, there is of course only one way to see Thailand as it is meant to be seen, and that is of course, by scooter. Our hotel offered 24h rental for 200 Baht (£5) so it was a no brainer really, especially as entry into the park for both of us was going to cost 600 Baht (£15). So the following morning we got up bright and early, and headed off for Erawan National Park, eager to beat the crowds. Whilst I can certainly see the appeal of mopeds/scooters/motorbikes/whatever you want to call them, I wasn’t quite prepared for the fact that after around 15km, you start to get an enormously numb bottom. It’s difficult to shift your weight without upsetting the balance of the bike so you are forced to sit quite still, leading to a somewhat unpleasant journey for both myself and Dave. We stopped about halfway for a brief respite but quickly got underway again when we realised how hot it was once you haven’t got a lovely cool breeze washing over you. Arriving at the park at around 10:30, we decided to stop for a bite to eat before tackling the climb up to the falls. I pause here to mention that Dave has, rather usefully, been teaching himself a bit of Thai in an effort to gain favour from the locals. As I spoke more Spanish when we were in South America, he has taken it upon himself to be our voice for Asia, which is absolutely fine by me. Thai is a tonal language, meaning that you can say exactly the same words but with two different tones and they can mean entirely different things. Having said that, the only thing Dave has managed to do so far is make middle aged Thai women completely besotted with him, once they discover that he can speak more than the rudimentary “please”, “thank you” and “hello”. As we stopped for lunch just outside the park, he once again proceeded to chat up the woman serving us lunch and all was going very well until he produced a 1000 Baht note to pay for our ~150 Baht lunch. It wasn’t our fault, the machines rarely give out anything below 1000 when you’re taking out large quantities, but her face was a picture when he produced it. After a bit of to-ing and fro-ing and Dave’s innate charm (*eye roll*), she eventually decided it was ok and ran off to find change from somewhere.

Climbing to the 7^th tier of the waterfalls takes around an hour, but it’s all uphill, through the jungle, in the heat, so we decided upon reaching the 5^th tier that that was good enough for us. The waterfalls are truly impressive and though we’d seen pictures, the clear blue waters were even more inviting as we reached them sweaty and tired from the climb. As soon as we entered the water, swarms of fish nibbled at our toes and legs. It’s a really bizarre sensation as some of them are quite big and they will not get the hint when you try and brush them off. They seem to enjoy toes the most which, if you are ticklish like I am, is intolerable after more than a few seconds. Still though, we sat and enjoyed the serene surroundings and the cool clear water for a good few hours. A well-deserved break from the heat and the chaos of Bangkok. Originally our plan was then to head to Hellfire Pass but funnily enough, the beautiful cool jungle paradise won over the 1.5 hour numb bum drive further up the road. As the pools became busier and the afternoon ticked by, we decided it was about time to head back to the hotel and were slightly perplexed by the “please don’t feed the monkeys” signs dotted about the place. We hadn’t seen any monkeys so either it’s all a bit of a joke, or the signs have done their job and the monkeys don’t bother coming anymore because no one feeds them. As much as it would have been great to see them in the wild, hopefully they no longer rely on humans for food and are off doing monkey things somewhere else. Following a necessary ice cream stop, we begrudgingly climbed back onto the scooter and numb-bumingly headed back to Kanchanaburi, rather sad to be leaving the cool waters and beautiful surroundings behind.

Suitably relaxed and refreshed by our trip to the Nature Park, we decided that the following day we’d head off back out on the scooter to Wat Ban Tham, a local temple atop a hill that involves climbing through a large dragon. This was only 12km away so not quite enough time for the scooter’s lack of comfort to set in. We arrived around 10am and set about climbing the 701 steps to the top. Once the initial entertainment of climbing up through a dragon’s mouth, followed by a short spiral staircase up through a cave structure, passed, it became hotter and harder to proceed. We had climbed Machu Picchu mountain some 3 months prior so were quite surprised at how difficult the steps proved to be. It just goes to show how much more difficult it is to do anything in this heat and we quickly depleted the 2 litres of water we had brought with us. Luckily about 2/3 of the way up there’s a lovely open-air temple where you can sit and cool down, enjoying the cool breeze as well as the endless view over the lush green fields. The river widens and winds its way into the distance, punctuated sporadically with hills that burst out of the ground like huge anthills, such is their juxtaposition with the paper flat landscape. We reached the top shortly after but as there was no shelter, we quickly descended again, welcoming the ease at which we descended, counting the steps as we went and offering encouragement to those on the ascent. Reaching the bottom, we couldn’t help feeling a sense of accomplishment at having not only climbed one of Thailand’s hills, but having done so dripping with sweat and almost giving up more than once. We stopped briefly at the POW cemetery on our way back and were once again moved by the sacrifice of these poor lads, the vast majority of whom were younger than both Dave and me. Arriving back at the hotel, we found ourselves to be absolutely exhausted and after a brief foray out for lunch, both collapsed onto the bed and did not much of anything for the rest of the afternoon before enjoying a junk food dinner and a beer with the Monaco GP.

Our time in Kanchanaburi had been a real mixed bag, with harrowing WW2 history, beautiful waterfalls and a big dragon temple on a hill, all of which has been thoroughly enjoyable. As I sit and write this on the terrace of our hotel room, a thunderstorm has rolled in and flashes of lightning flicker across the cloudy grey sky every few minutes, oddly enough, all without any rain. The next stop on our trip is Ayutthaya, the old capital of Siam, but I’ll leave Dave to tell you all about that.

Chairman Cat

Day 4 dawned with Katy and I both finally starting to get over the worst effects of the jet lag and beginning to function on a daily rhythm somewhat in sync with the local time zone. For the past couple of days Katy has been waking up around 11-12 am -understandable given the 6-hour time shift from the UK- whilst I have been my usual self and made a point of being different, waking instead at any time between 3 and 5am. Whilst this has had the positive side effect of giving me an opportunity to do more planning for the day ahead or for further in to our trip, or merely to try and improve my terrible grasp of Thai, it has ultimately meant me sitting around in the hotel room for 6 hours getting hungrier and hungrier until Katy wakes up. And no, swapping a sleeping happy Katy for a half-asleep grumpy Katy is not a good trade.

Anyway, today I woke up at about 6:45 and Katy about 9:15, so at least we’re both steadily converging on a reasonable time to awaken. As today was set to be another scorcher (Joy confirmed that it’s hot even by Thai standards at the moment) we decided it would be a good idea to get out a little earlier ahead of the worst of the heat, especially as our firs stop involved a climb to Phu Khao Thong, the Temple on the Golden Mount. We had intended to walk down the road and get a bus, but Joy, eager to help as ever, suggested we’d be better off with a taxi and so commandeered my phone to order one through Grab (the local equivalent of Uber) and take the opportunity provided by the waiting time for the Taxi to make more jokes at my expense. Much to Katy’s amusement.

At 40 Thai Baht to the pound, the currency value is not quite far enough away from Sterling that you stop intuitively thinking of Baht’s on the same kind of scale (unlike, for example, Lao Kip, where £1 will buy you almost K11,000), so instinctively, paying 110 Baht for a 20-minute Taxi ride feels like a lot, until you work it out and realise it’s £2.75. Thailand is called ‘the land of smiles’, ostensibly because the people here are always smiling (and this is true, they are, except for the ones who work on the water taxis), but it is also because every time you buy something and work out what it is in pounds you can’t help but get a cheese-eating grin on your face.

With our budget only slightly dented then, we jumped out of the Taxi and set off in search of some breakfast. Thai cuisine doesn’t really have separate breakfast foods like we do in the west; they’ll happily eat noodles, rice, soup and the grilled and marinated carcases of whatever animal takes their fancy at any time of day. Whilst we have thoroughly enjoyed indulging in the local cuisine, we haven’t yet weaned ourselves off of the western need for good-ol’ hearty bread, egg and/or cereal based breakfasts. To that end, we settled upon a small, French style café in the lobby of a hostel near the temple for some scrambled eggs on toast and a tuna melt.

Stomachs appeased we set off back to Phu Khao Thong through a district of Bangkok specialising in the production of ornate wooden doors, picture frames and clumps of mushrooms. The Temple on the Golden Mount is a large, wide structure built in to 4 distinct tiers; the mount, the base, the temple and the stupa. As you enter the gates, the temple immediately before you is a striking sight; simultaneously inviting and imposing. Amongst the other more conventional wats and temples in central Bangkok, Phu Khao Thong is rather unique appearance-wise and has an almost Arabic look to it.

Built upon what appears at first to be the strange sight of a natural hill in the centre of the otherwise flat Bangkok, the mount upon which the temple sits is in fact the crumbled remains of an earlier attempt to build a huge stupa on the site. Owing to Bangkok’s soft clay soil, this original Stupa collapsed in on itself near to completion and wound up being left derelict for several decades. Today, the mishmash of mudbrick, earth and stone which forms the bottom half of the temple mount is overgrown with trees and vines and decorated liberally with statutes, waterfalls, golden buddhas and small shrines.

This section of the temple mount is perhaps the most enjoyable to climb. When you first set off, a small sign cautions you that there are over 300 steps to the top (Pah! Not exactly Salkantay is it!) and you quickly find yourself surrounded by the canopy of the trees overgrowing the mount from which hangs myriad thin, spindly vines. Along the route the path follows are numerous mist jets to assist with keeping the tourists and monks cool on their climb. Combined with the tranquillity of the waterfalls, statues and shrines, the luscious vegetation and the ringing sound of the bells and gongs which line the path and are merrily rung by each passing tourist, the ascent is an almost heavenly experience. No doubt this is the intended effect, but as a died-in-the-wool atheist, rarely at a religious monument have I found the intended effect to be so all-encompassing and potent.

The second tier of the temple is the base; a wide, conical shaped retaining wall which occupies the central quarter of the structure. The wall is painted a brilliant white, save for a small amount of red detailing which follows the stairways that spiral steadily up the perimeter. The base is elegant in its simplicity and nicely juxtaposes both the chaotic beauty of the mount below and the opulence of the temple above.

Atop the base sits the Temples 3^rd tier, a relatively simple square building with intricate gold trim and an awning which overhangs a broad, sheltered walkway around the heart of the temple and from which hundreds of small bells and wind chimes are hung. In the heart of the temple, connected by 4 small passageways, is a small and, by local standards, very modest statue of the Buddha around which incense is burned and monks offer their prayers.

The final tier is the roof, a smaller walkway around a large stupa with a thin, domed base and a tall spire protruding from its centre. The stupa alone accounts for perhaps a quarter of the total height of the temple and is painted solid gold and indented with multiple layers of geometric shapes. It’s a genuinely impressive feature of Buddhist architecture and design that they can make such liberal use of gold yet never make it look gawdy or tasteless. I can think of at least 1 world leader who should take note. The walkway around the stupa, some 150ft high, also offers fantastic views of the city. The Vista of Bangkok from this temple is a microcosm of Asia at the start of the twenty first century, a chaotic and vibrant fusion of old and new, innovation and tradition, wealth and poverty. The foreground is dominated by corrugated roofs, low-slung concrete dwellings and the leisurely chaos of busy market streets peppered with the brilliant golds, greens and reds of temple roofs jutting out from every other block. In the distance the skyline is dominated by huge steel and glass skyscrapers; the visual manifestation of the huge wealth flowing into this developing economy and to which a new building seems to be being added every time you blink; such is the pace of growth in this part of the world.

Stunning though it was, the view from the top could not win out against the strength of the sun, and we soon had to retreat to lower levels for shade and some water in an attempt to cool down (as if such a thing were possible). One we had sufficiently rested we proceeded (slowly) across town to have a late lunch and let the worst of the middays sun pass, stopping en-route in Saranrom park near the royal palace for some much-needed shade. As we finished lunch the clouds started to thicken bringing in a precious few degrees of coolness to the air. Rejuvenated we set off across the river to Wat Arun, the Temple of Dawn, which is named for the way it catches the dawn light on its ceramic surface (suffice to say, we never got up early enough to see this).

The temple is a series of five stupas laid out like the 5-side of a dice and dominated by its central stupa which stands a good 150ft tall. Each of the stupas is decorated with millions of hand-crafted ceramic tiles of various colours, chiefly dominated by green, blue and white. The tiles are laid out to form intricate geometric patterns as well as flowers and animals and several statues of elephants and buddhas crown the steep upper slopes. The temple site is fairly small though and by the time we arrived it was swarming with tourists (yes, I know) and so we decided to make our way back to avoid the steadily darkening crowds. There was, of course, time to stop off and say hello to some cats that had made the temple their home though.

As an aside, in Thai, the word for cat is ‘Maow’ like the noise they make. This leads one to suspect that maybe sheep are called ‘Bah’ and dogs are called ‘Woof’ but sadly that is not the case. It does however mean that the name for the brutal Chinese mass-murderer in Thai was ‘Chairman Cat’, so that’s fun.

And that more or less finished off our activities of note in Bangkok. With the exception of getting absolutely hammered on the Khao San Road, the only major tourist attraction in which we had not indulged was visiting the Royal Palace. The Palace, however, has a very strict dress code which calls for long sleeves and trousers. Given the weather we thought it better to save a visit until our return trip in November, when the temperature may even be as cool as the high 20’s! We opted instead for a day relaxing in a riverside bar enjoying a beer (just one) and then spending the rest of the day on the roof of our hostel with our kindles.

For our last day in Bangkok we intended, on Joys advice, to head up to the outskirts of the Royal Palace in the evening where apparently a light display in celebration of the recent coronation of the new king was taking place, but a fierce storm soon put pay to that plan and we again wound up on the roof of the hostel reading and enjoying a beer (just one) before retreating from the torrential downpour and lightning that rolled in in the late afternoon.

After dinner we took stock of our time here in Bangkok. It’s safe to say that the city has left a far more positive impact on us than Lima did; Bangkok is an accessible, inviting, vibrant and joyously chaotic place. The food is amazing, the sites spectacular, the people are as warm as the climate and the city has, despite its status as he worlds most visited city, not sold out its character to the tourist trade. You really feel like a guest here, rather than a walking ATM fit for a swindle. That said, it is still a capital city, and like all capital cities it has a character and dynamic distinct from the rest of the country, so it’s with great excitement that we look forward to exploring more of Thailand, starting with the small town of Kanchanaburi, roughly 80 miles west of Bangkok and home to the Bridge over the River Kwai.